I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
