If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
