The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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