I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
