It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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