Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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