I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
