Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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