I'm so fucking centered right now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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