i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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