She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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