garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
