It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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