I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
