If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
