My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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