OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
