It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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