This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
