shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
