You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
