i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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