Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
