one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
