In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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