i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
