I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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