Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
