He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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