I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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