he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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