I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
