So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
