That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
