i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
