girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
