very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He better not be in your backpack
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
