Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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