It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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