I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
