How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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