I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
