dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
