I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize