I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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