Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
