There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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