Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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