I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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