she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
