Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They took my balls.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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