i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
