that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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