420 ftw
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
