I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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