Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
