I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
