I just saw a hot homeless man
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
