So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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