Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
