And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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