He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
