A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.