i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.