I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
