Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
