the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.