dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times