I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
